Post by Antonio Hernandez Carriedo on Mar 11, 2012 23:51:04 GMT -5
I haven't gotten much down time recently. Work has had me very busy, working late nights and early mornings, and with the recent drama regarding Lars and his younger brother Sven I guess I haven't really been putting my well being first...
I'm sick. And I pray Lars doesn't notice any time soon. It's nothing really. Maybe a stomach flu accompanied by some bouts of fatigue or the occasional migraine but....
We have enough on our plate to worry about, I'd hate to give Lars something else to stress over. The rent is due next week and so is the electric bill. I can't afford to take off. We need every penny we make.
It must be nice to live like Mathias does though. Traveling from place to place, seeing all the wonderful sights the world has to offer, always financially stable.
I hope we can be like that one day too. Maybe we'd have more time to spend together. I don't see Lars much. Our work hours are polar opposites. We catch each other for dinner and sleep but that's all it's been lately. Not that I'm complaining! I love nothing more than sleeping besides him....
He's so beautiful,...he deserves so much more than this. I can stare at his face and just know it'll all work out. Maybe I'll make his favorite dish tomorrow.
I miss my parents. I miss Spain too. I've never been so far from 'home' before, or for such a long period of time. Amsterdam is amazing. All Lars ever said it was and more but...I find myself wanting to go back; lay beneath the peach trees again, taste the warm sea salt air of Valencia, enjoy my mother's cooking for one last time....
But I guess that's all over now.
It's as heartbreaking as it is heart warming knowing Lars' family accepts me so readily into their lives. Nonetheless they never fail to remind me - when helping his mom pick up her laundry, or helping Sven choose out an outfit - I'll never be able to have those things with my family again.
Silly me...I think I need some tissues. The ink is smearing a bit. Maybe I should stop writing. Marcelo always said it was good to let your feelings out though, and I guess it does feel nice knowing I'm writing all of this down. I couldn't tell anybody these things after all. What a burden I'd turn out to be.
I'm going to keep a bookmark of what page I'm on with this picture of Lars I took when we went to the park once. His smile always makes things seem a little brighter in the world.
I'm sick. And I pray Lars doesn't notice any time soon. It's nothing really. Maybe a stomach flu accompanied by some bouts of fatigue or the occasional migraine but....
We have enough on our plate to worry about, I'd hate to give Lars something else to stress over. The rent is due next week and so is the electric bill. I can't afford to take off. We need every penny we make.
It must be nice to live like Mathias does though. Traveling from place to place, seeing all the wonderful sights the world has to offer, always financially stable.
I hope we can be like that one day too. Maybe we'd have more time to spend together. I don't see Lars much. Our work hours are polar opposites. We catch each other for dinner and sleep but that's all it's been lately. Not that I'm complaining! I love nothing more than sleeping besides him....
He's so beautiful,...he deserves so much more than this. I can stare at his face and just know it'll all work out. Maybe I'll make his favorite dish tomorrow.
I miss my parents. I miss Spain too. I've never been so far from 'home' before, or for such a long period of time. Amsterdam is amazing. All Lars ever said it was and more but...I find myself wanting to go back; lay beneath the peach trees again, taste the warm sea salt air of Valencia, enjoy my mother's cooking for one last time....
But I guess that's all over now.
It's as heartbreaking as it is heart warming knowing Lars' family accepts me so readily into their lives. Nonetheless they never fail to remind me - when helping his mom pick up her laundry, or helping Sven choose out an outfit - I'll never be able to have those things with my family again.
Silly me...I think I need some tissues. The ink is smearing a bit. Maybe I should stop writing. Marcelo always said it was good to let your feelings out though, and I guess it does feel nice knowing I'm writing all of this down. I couldn't tell anybody these things after all. What a burden I'd turn out to be.
I'm going to keep a bookmark of what page I'm on with this picture of Lars I took when we went to the park once. His smile always makes things seem a little brighter in the world.